It is officially summer, and the days are getting shorter. (Which always seems like a kick in the nuts.) And while Mother Nature has a snatchy streak, summer means anthems, anthems, anthems! Let’s break down what it takes to be one of those summer songs that become earworms for the majority of society. Turns out it is a lot like dating.
1. Be Slick. This is most important. Usually this comes from a signature beat or tune. Enter big names like Timbaland, Swizz Beats, will.i.am, Rick Ruben, and Stargate. If you don’t know these people, I promise you’ve bobbed your head to many a tune they’ve crafted. Summer isn’t the time for lavish solos and esoteric xylophone intros; as Miss Jackson says, “gimme a beat!” You hear the intro of “Promiscuous Girl” and you are already waiting to sing along to “MVP like Steve Nash.”
2. Shut up. The introspective poetry of your heart is gonna have to wait until Fall, at the soonest. Verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus. The more repetition the better. M.I.A.’s summer anthem of “Born Free” consists of alternatively yelling and singing "born free." Coolio pushed it with “1,2,3,4 get your woman on the floor.” School’s out, counting after beer pong is hard. If you can still make the chorus when you are black out drunk, you’ve got a winner. Usher wins this one though, with the taciturn and emphatic “Yeah!”
3. Get physical. But by dancing or in a biblical way? These are the mysteries of the summer anthem. Simple directions work best for the dehydrated party-goers, and it is comforting that all Lady Gaga wanted was for us to dance. When Christina Aguilera asked you to "rub her the right way," you wanted to let her out. Pity the fool who didn’t know that Terror Squad’s “Lean Back” was an order. Thanks to our mad winding and grinding skills, Akon wanted to love us, right here on the floor! And even in swimsuits and flippy-floppies, anyone could shake their proverbial tailfeathers with Nelly and Diddy.
4. Make Trouble. I would never get into trouble. Neither would you. But hypothetically, summer is the time to rack up the misdemeanors. Someone was the inspiration for Ida Marie’s “I like you so much better when you’re naked.” Before they softened it for radio, the Black Eyed Peas encouraged the summer BBQ crowd to "get retarded in here." Take a lesson from Ke$ha’s back-up plan in “Tik Tok”: “Boys trying to touch my junk; gonna slap ‘em if they get too drunk.” It’s good to think ahead, kids. Safety first.
5. Forget, remember, cringe. Summer anthems descend on us like a plague, but while their power is strong, it is short-lived. By Labor Day, we’re sick of them, and songs like Death Cab’s “Summer Skin” start to ring more true. Their true magic is the ability to transport us right back to that special summer place with a simple nudge. Not convinced? Have a great day with the “Thong Song” in your head! "Dumps like a truck, truck, truck. Thighs like what?"