The first Hall & Oates concert in Portland was in October of 1976. I believe last Saturday was their 70,000,000,202nd show. Fortunately, they left their probably-grumpy middle-aged selves at the door and were nice enough to play the same songs they’ve been playing to swooning audiences for thirty years. “Hey John, this is like the fiftieth… sixtieth time we’ve played this song live, right?” “Yeah, Daryl, I think fifty is about right.” Yeah… right. And 1976 was about three years ago.
The reason H&O fans demand the same old songs every damn time is because we have all pirouetted around dance halls, high school dances, high school reunions, karaoke bars, 80’s theme nights, and the bathroom mirrors singing along to “Maneater.” Don’t deny it.
So at one point in the film, "Empire Records," Rory Chochrane’s character Lucas says, “Music is the glue of the world.” Maybe, swept up in adolescent obsession, he was referring to GWAR or Alice Cooper or Metallica, but I like to think the statement applies mostly to musicians like Hall & Oates. Because at this point in history, no living person is too old or too young to have not heard of, or at least involuntarily heard, one of the following mega hits: “Sara Smile”, “Maneater”, “You Make My Dreams ”, “Private Eyes”, “(I Can’t Go For That) No Can Do”, “Rich Girl”, “She’s Gone”, “Kiss on My List”, or “Out of Touch”. The guys are musical freaks like Angelina Jolie is a genetic freak. It just feels unnatural to have such quantities of perfection (the minority opinion is welcome to debate this term, of course) spill from duo of human beings. H&O have churned out some of the world’s tightest and catchiest songs for over thirty years…and they’re STILL stupidly popular. They’re being referenced by if not explicitly, implicitly by new generations of artists like Chromeo, Flight of the Concords, Solid Gold, Mayer Hawthorne, Portland Cello Project, and every wedding band in recent history (plus an infinitesimal string of future weddings… including mine; think about that before you pop the question, future husband.).
Held at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall with prohibitive ticket prices, this was a very exclusive event. The great thing, though, was that it was a benefit for Friends of the Children (www.friendsofthechildren.org/Portland), a mentoring program for at-risk children whose effort is “to break the cycle of poverty, school failure, incarceration, and early parenting” in the community. Before the show, a projection screen hung above the stage offering factoids about Hall & Oates, including which movies their songs had been featured in (When it comes up at trivia night, they were not featured on "My Best Friend’s Wedding"), and quotes from mentees about their favorite H&O lyrics. The winner? “What I've got's full stock of thoughts and dreams that scatter/You pull them all together/And how, I can't explain/Well well you, you make-a-my dreams come true.” Yessss!
This was a serious concert; as indicated by half the crowd, about 1,300 people, joining in a standing ovation the moment John and Daryl walked unceremoniously onto the stage. They waved back at the gushing fans trying their damndest to get attention by bouncing and flailing and smiling so hard their faces looked pained (think Beatles concert footage circa 1960, you know, those frantic, fainting, sobbing women). One such fan whom, for sake of brevity, we’ll call ‘carrot-top-sparkle-shirt-red-pants’ made fourteen trips (one per song) from her seat to the stage area to express up-close enthusiastic praise by hand gestures, blowing kisses, flashing smiles, and whispering teenage-girl-style to excitable friends on either side of her.
The band started with “Maneater”, during which saxophonist Charles “Mr. Casual” DeChant (charliedechantworld.com) stole the show in his royal blue suit and Rapunzel-esque silvery hair blowing in the wind (Watch out girls, he’ll chew you up), but the crowd didn’t really get active until “She’s Gone”, which instigated yet another standing ovation. Next, the band slipped through their first hit, “Sara Smile”, claiming, “There hasn’t been a show where we haven’t played this song. It defines how I feel about relationships to this day.” Daryl’s beautiful fluffy hair provided welcome distraction from John’s lack of signature moustache. I suppose that gives away which one I have a crush on in a student + teacher kinda way. We can all only dream of being that cool when we’re 61.
Daryl began the next song with a teaser: “Sometimes you gotta draw the line… you gotta… put your foot down… no… I can’t go for that.” “I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do)” involved Daryl setting down the guitar for a jaunt on the keyboards under a pale blue spotlight, sprigs of his white mane waving lazily in the breeze. Ten minutes and a lengthy jam session later, the show was over. It was 8:48 pm. Unacceptable! Thank the Lord they came out for not one, but TWO encore sessions that heated the ornate concert hall to as hot as its mid-aged and geriatric audience would stand for. During “Rich Girl”, the band choreographed day-glow tambourines into their routine, momentarily rendering the otherwise tame performance into a fabulous rave-party-minstrel-show.
Oh, and I caught one of the personalized guitar picks they threw out. Just wanted to rub that in.
At 9:15 the spell was broken and we were transported back from 1980 to 2011. Afterward I was smitten, but eventually resigned to the opinion that Hall & Oates are best heard at aforementioned dance halls, high school dances, high school reunions, karaoke bars, 80’s theme nights, and while dancing in front of my bathroom mirror. Still, I am honored to have at least gotten to see them, not in their heyday – but in mine.
Set List:
Maneater
Family Man
Out of Touch
How Does It Feel to Be Back
Say It Isn't So
Las Vegas Turnaround
She's Gone
Sara Smile
I Can't Go for That (No Can Do)
Encore I:
Rich Girl
You Make My Dreams
Encore II:
Kiss on My List
Private Eyes
