SALEM

Here's a guess as to what SALEM was thinking Thursday night:
We're really going to blow this crowd's mind! First off, we'll dress all provocatively: ass-high black dress and thigh-high black boots for Heather, black glitter sweater for John, and whatever you woke up in, Jack. Next, we'll totally fuck with the audience by acting like we don't give a shit. No smiling. Dead eyes. We'll even smoke cigarettes while playing! They're getting comfortable with our monotonous deep electronic beats and John's chanting, so we'll throw them a major curveball: Jack, get out there and rap! We know you have no flow or semblance of meaningful lyrics, so just mumble a lot and act like you're rhyming. And grab your ball-sack a lot too, rappers do that. Alright, now that they're really off balance, we'll deliver a knockout punch by switching spots again: Heather get out there and try to sing. Words, melodies, they don't matter. Just make sure it's loud enough to pierce our repetitive background drone. That should do it. Wait a minute, the entire crowd either looks pissed or disinterested. What the shit? That's ok, they just didn't get it. They'll realize how fucking brilliant this was later, no doubt.